10 Days In and I'm Still Alive!

Hi guys I'm Back!

I (Brandt) know I've been silent for a while. I've been trying to draft a post that’s not just a mix between an incoherent rant about hunger and deprivation and a subliminal message pleading with readers to smuggle me a cheeseburger. But this morning I’ve fueled up on a healthy breakfast, my stomach pains are at a minimum and I'm going to try to bang out a short list of objective commentary on the past 10 days of my life.

1) During the month preceding this ordeal while I was gearing up to be shipped away to this dietary wasteland I now inhabit, people kept alluding to digestive situations that could arise upon my arrival in culinary Siberia. At the time I generally shrugged these comments off and went back to finishing my cheeseburger. However, it has subsequently come to my attention that these warnings should not have been taken lightly. Not at all! My stomach has not stopped hurting since May 31st. My digestive track has evaluated the situation and is NOT amused. I really can’t stress enough what a pain in the ass these ten days have been – and I mean that 100% literally.

2) I miss skim milk so much. So so much. I’ve always enjoyed soy milk and actually drink it regularly even when normal food is available. Which is why I’m surprised I miss normal milk so much of all things. Going into this I thought I’d miss steak, and pizza, and burgers and good food in general. As it happens I miss all the healthy stuff that I think I should be able to have but can’t. Skim milk, yogurt, eggs (even egg whites). All the stuff that would actually keep me healthy but has now been banned. I think this is because when I’m wondering around, starving, desperate for sustenance and I end up eating falafel or French fries because I can’t find a healthy vegan alternative I can’t help but think this diet is a big trick. What kind of diet excludes healthy food? I’m told this all makes sense on some sort of higher level, but let me just go on record from a layman’s perspective and make it clear that it makes absolutely no sense at all as far as I’m concerned.

3) In general the food has really been pretty good. This has been a big, and extremely pleasant surprise and is totally due to Suzy (of course so are the stomach pains, so little bit of a tradeoff). I think the stuff you get in a restaurant is fine – even good - but really over priced. Suzy’s been cooking like crazy and that’s been the best. We had a salad last night that was great, falafel night was a HUGE hit, fresh corn on the cob, and fondue (which while sort of cheating, because – NOT HEALTHY!) was excellent. I think if you’re going go through this you have to cook for yourself, because the next time I pay $17 for lunch there better be some red meat in the mix (or fireworks or something). I guess the take away here is if you’re going to go vegan make sure you use the buddy system – and make sure your buddy is a damn good cook.

4) Giving up meat has been nowhere as hard as I thought it would be. (As a side note, I’ve always though vegetarians were whiny pussies and this experience has only confirmed my belief. I now look forward to being able to mock them from an educated perspective - I’m looking at you cousin Phil). But to step back briefly from my meatdick outlook here, I think this has actually been the biggest take away from the diet and ties together a few of the previous points. I’ve found that cutting out meat really isn’t that bad. I’ve honestly enjoyed a lot of the food I’ve been eating. I think going forward I will shift my consumption a bit towards the flora and ease back a touch on the fauna. We’ll see.

Those are my thoughts for now. I’ll check back in in a bit to keep you updated. I’ve been led to believe by a variety of sources that a lot of the benefits of veganism should be kicking in for me in the next week or two. I’ll be sure to let you know if I encounter this gastronomic runner’s high or if its all just propaganda put out by the tofu producers to string me along. Make sure to stay tuned – it’s really getting exciting now.